


You're Dating The Batman

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: German kurloz, Humanstuck, M/M, Piercings, Shit I write at 3-4 am, Zelda games, ass-squishing, cause Ganondorf is my fetish, clothed sex kinda, in case that triggers anyone, my eyeballs, neck kisses, scottish cronus, so OOC it's unreal, that probably isn't even hot, they hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 00:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4685864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I haven't updated Nightlife I'm sorry I'm working on it I've been sick and I'm in Spain oh god<br/>I've just been swimming all day cause legit pisces <br/>I shat out some borderline porn</p>
<p>Enjoy</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Dating The Batman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HonkingHonkFriend](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonkingHonkFriend/gifts).



Your name is Cronus Ampora and there is nothing you love more than making your boyfriend blush. He's German, and Germans don't blush. You've made his cheeks completely scarlet before but you want to do it without calling him a slut and pounding your dick in his ass and pulling his hair, because that doesn't count. Anyone on God's planet would blush at that. You're gonna make him blush with just words (sexy teasing counts) and you know exactly how to do it. 

He's sat opposite you on the sofa, preoccupied with playing Zelda on his DS, and far more interested in playing The Song Of Time correctly than he is on letting you make him flush. You hear him grumble "fuckin' moon" under his breath as he jams a few buttons, the TV playing some old 80's movie in the background. You shift slightly, bringing your leg up to nudge your foot behind him, prompting him to allow you to stretch out and rest your back against the arm of the couch. You prod Kurloz with your sock-clad feet a few times, before he mutters a German curse and looks over to you, irritation in his eyes.  
"What?" He almost demands, pausing his game, and you smile warmly.

You open your arms and make little grabbing motions with your hands like an infant, and he rolls his eyes, turning and laying across your chest, legs folded under yours. No blush. Well, you'll have to kick it up a notch, you suppose. Kurloz continues playing Zelda stubbornly, ignoring you for the most part. You cross your arms over his body, hands on his hips, and he doesn't particularly respond. You resort to taking interest in his favourite videogame, for lack of a better method of getting his attention. You prop your chin up on his shoulder, watching the screen.  
"Whatcha' doing?"  
"Gaming" he replies sarcastically, and you poke him in the ribs and he half sniggers. Getting somewhere...

"Don't be a dumbass...I mean what...Level or world are you on or whatever?"  
He sighs.   
"There aren't 'worlds'; it's Hyrule, unless you're talking about Skyward Sword, then it's set in-"  
"Babe, you've told me all this shit before. What activity are you currently partaking in as the role of Link the elf boy?" You tease, and he huffs slightly, face softening as you get your facts right.  
"Trying to get all these godforsaken chicks to follow me, but you have to hold down this button constantly to play the song and my thumb aches" he reports, and you make noises to pretend that you're interested. You genuinely try to be, it's just puzzle games aren't your thing; you prefer to play Tomb Raider and watch Lara's boobs get progressively rounder and more realistic as the series proceeds.   
"I know how to get chicks to follow me" you tease him, and he scoffs.  
"You're gay as fuck"  
"Doesn't mean bitches don't flock" 

Kurloz shakes his head but you can see that he's smiling, unaware that his practically spherical mass of curls isn't shielding his face. You nudge your face into his shoulder, nuzzling your lips up to his neck, and he stops smiling. You realise that this is because he's reached a battle scene in his game, not because you're nestling your face up to his throat, and you raise an eyebrow. Holy fuck he looks damn cute when he's concentrating on something; he chews his lip and his nose scrunches up and you frequently tease him about his eyebrows lowering so they make a unibrow (which isn't true, you just like irritating him). 

You kiss his neck gently, prompting Kurloz to fidget and poorly attempt to move his head away from you. You stroke your thumbs along the waistband of his underwear and rub circles on his hipbones, and he hums slightly and relaxes instantly against you. You know he hates the advantages you have over him sometimes, but you can't help yourself; it's too tempting to watch him try and withstand your half-assed foreplay without a reaction. You nip gently at the pale flesh then, sucking the bite afterward and he squirms in your lap, hips shifting, but you don't cease; your lips caress the column of his throat and his shoulders as you work your way down, softly biting and licking at the marks you leave, and his hips won't stay still. 

"Cronus-" it's almost a warning, but the tone of his voice is too pathetic for you to think so. You ignore him completely, giving him a taste of his own medicine, and trace your hand under him to grab a decent handful of his ass and squish it, and he half gasps half whines. His arms fall slack and the console is disregarded unceremoniously to the hard wood floors with a loud click, but Kurloz doesn't seem to give much of a fuck all of a sudden. He turns over and presses your hips together, looping his arms around your neck and straddling your waist, and both your hands just go to his ass and start groping it again. He's a skinny fucker but his butt is plush as marshmallows, and you take advantage of it more often than you probably should. 

You grin at him and what the heck how is he not blushing by this point what the hell is he the fuckin Batman?! That's it, you're shifting into maximum overdrive. You stick out your tongue and lick his bottom lip, enjoying the metallic taste of the ring in his lip piercing. He looks at you like you just did the kinkiest thing ever, but leans closer to you as you push your tongue further into the hot cavern of his mouth, and you catch his lip between your teeth. You bite it just enough to bruise, and he hums and squirms in your lap, but a quick roll of your hips against his cock sufficiently immobilises him. You squeeze his butt and suck on his tongue and he moans quietly, purposefully stifling because he hates how he sounds when he's worked up; how his voice raises in pitch, how he whines and moans and chirrs, when in reality you could cum from the tiny whimpering moans and gasps he makes when you tease him. 

You pull away slightly and smirk at him and his...Still not pink cheeks. Now you're irritated. You breathe hot and quiet to him, words barely there,  
"What's your favourite sex position?"  
He makes a noise that suggests that you haven't tried enough out for him to answer that question. You've done plenty of exploring in terms of how you stick your DNA rifle in his barracks:  
He's ridden you, you've fucked him against a wall, put his legs over your hips, put his legs over your /shoulders/, you've done the butterfly and simple missionary when you're not fucking to get off or indulge each other's fetishes. That's your favourite, because he always runs his hands over your shoulders and smiles at you and doesn't try to quieten himself as much. Fuck, you've done the cowgirl even and wow you didn't realise how many times you've fucked him-

"This" he says suddenly, and thrusts a phone into your face.

http://ifunny.co/fun/BtBu6rVC3

You observe the image.  
...  
...  
"Oh my god"


End file.
